A Miniature Hawkins

I didn't expect pregnancy to feel so surreal. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have been trying to convince myself that it was really happening. I told myself that nothing is certain and that I should not get ahead of myself. This mentality made the news slow to sink in. We initially told some family and friends. Then some more. Then it leaked. Even after the "news" was out, I was still waiting for it to feel real to me. The nausea and tiredness was profound, but still I wanted to be realistic.

The little ones at the preschool found out (earlier than planned). One of the many things I love about them is their faith. They teach me things about God all the time. Their faith is astounding. Their faith carried over to the news of baby. They had no doubts about me having a baby. It was instantly real to them. I could write so many pages on the sweet (and hilarious) commentary from the preschoolers, but I will spare you most of the details. However, our unborn baby has received more flowers from the preschoolers than I have probably received in my lifetime. Our baby has also received rocks, jewels, and other valuable tokens to preschool-aged children. They have all sorts of ideas about gender, names, which preschool class would be suitable, and when the baby should be born.

A pocket full of gifts

I've had two appointments and each one has further convinced me of this little life inside of me. It has been miraculous to see the baby move on the screen and hear the little heartbeat. The last couple of days have been really weird because people are starting to comment on my belly. (I have a belly?) I'm beginning to think it looks different from having a big burrito for lunch. ;) Luke's reaction to my new belly is hilarious. I think we're both a little astonished that the little being in there is starting to make his or herself visible to the outside world.

Pregnancy is so mysterious to me. This time in my life feels sort of like when we were planning to get married. You think of all your shortcomings and your past sins. You think of how you are ill-equipped although you've planned, hoped, and anticipated. You think of how hard it will be, but how long you have dreamed of the day you would have a son or daughter. But by the grace of God, He given us a baby. Only by the grace of God will I be a mother to this little one. God has blessed me so tremendously and I have gained nothing on my own. I hope that through this experience I can see the blessing-- and look up to the Blessor.