Friday, June 14, 2013

Truth Be Told

Pregnancy is a strange thing. I feel as though I am still waiting to feel... pregnant. Sometimes I look down at my (almost) 17 week belly and wonder if I look pregnant yet. I am starting to feel the baby move a little. Other than that, I am not sure I even feel pregnant most of the time. I take it back. The other night I was doing push-ups, and my belly touched the ground before my chest. That was a pregnancy moment, I suppose!
Inspiration for my maternity photo shoot... totally kidding. Image c/o Pinterest
You hear so many things about pregnancy as if they are your destiny. "Wait until..." and "Oh, you wait!" There are dozens of opinions about what you choose to do and not do. There are suggestions as to why you are experiencing pregnancy certain ways and not others. There are also women who express that every moment of pregnancy felt as magnificent as robotic unicorns with rainbow laser-shooting eyes.

One of my hopes is that I will be the type of mom who is honest with other women. I have friends who have felt bummed after seeing the image that other moms project online. It's not to say that people shouldn't express joy over their adventures in motherhood. But women should also be able to say, "Guess where my child had a massive diaper blowout?" and "I need some adult interaction to feel like a human today!"

Here are some of my personal pregnancy thoughts thus far:

-It is weird to see my body change. I expected to go from normal to pregnant-looking. I didn't expect the in-between to last so long. Don't throw things at me! I am not saying it's not beautiful or it's not a miracle. I'm just saying it looks like I wolfed down a monstrous burrito. The question strangers wonder is did she... and how delicious was it?

-I'm not weepy or super emotional (yet). I expected to be buying tissues in bulk. Luke says I'm just more spicy than usual. (He's nice.) ;)

-It's not always easy to bond with your fetus. Some people read their unborn child books or talk to him or her. I just go on runs and think and pray about the little human he or she will be. I don't know who he or she is yet! I certainly don't want to pretend or force myself to bond when it feels unnatural for me. I am looking forward to knowing if we are having a boy or a girl so I can know one thing about our mysterious unborn child.

And here's some sunshine for you so you don't swear me off forever:

-My best friend gave me some hand-me-down gender neutral baby clothes. (Our baby will fit in those little things?! How cute!)

-I might be nesting. Or I might be into organizing my house. Either way, I am loving simplifying and seeing our physical space change in light of the little one coming.

-I'm daydreaming about fall and Christmas when we will be a family of three. What better way to enjoy my favorite seasons than with our firstborn child? I can just smell the new baby and pumpkin latte now... ;)