Lessons in Springtime

Image via Modern Hepburn

There is something about springtime that makes me cheerful. I find myself eagerly anticipating upcoming events: Easter, my birthday (which means much needed time with family and friends), our 5K, the eventual end of the school semester, summer, Live Oak, our second wedding anniversary, etc. It's all right around the corner! There are always things to look forward to... which is great. My mind can't help but think of the next two plus years and all that might take place within that time. Why must I try to plan the rest of my life before it begins? I hope to teach myself to slow down and be a little less Type A. Deep down I know I am not the one who is in control of my life. 

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." 

- Proverbs 16:9

Now that I am on spring break, I will catch up on cleaning, homework, and sleep. I should also spend time savoring this season and enjoying the gifts that God is giving me now. Running. Falling asleep to the sound of the rain. Meaningful conversations with loved ones. Sleeping in. Morning coffee dates with Luke. Reading the Bible before bed. Cinnamon in my black coffee. Nights I get to cook from scratch. Quiet mornings around the house. Cuddles from the little ones.

Life is made up of little things (and some huge things). Jesus. People. The moments we treasure. It's time to step away from my plans and spend more time celebrating this amazing life and the joys in it.

My Soul Glorifies

I'm sad I haven't written more lately. But I am not sad that I spent the last few weeks memorizing over 96 names of wee ones. I am not sad that life feels full and my heart feels grateful for the intricate way God has pieced my life together. I am reminding myself that in times of busyness, the little things done unto the Lord are the big things that make up our life. Tonight my husband thanked me for baking for church -- and I remembered how blessed I am to be able to love people through homemade baked goods. I am also able to pray over 3 year-old's when they are having rough days. I can thank God while I help them jump from play structures into the sand. I can sing worship songs when I am in the car during my 14-hours away from home days. I can absorb the beauty of where we live when I am training for a 5K (and the eventual half marathon) with my husband. All of these little things make me so happy that I could burst. Jesus is always good, and I should always remember to thank Him.

Decision

I started to think about something I used to identify with: indecision. What makes someone indecisive? For me, it was rocky relationships, constantly changing career goals, inconsistent emotions, lack of commitment, and reoccurring bouts of overall dissatisfaction. Even my short hair cuts displayed my indecision. (I must have been pretty fun, right?) I no longer identify with indecision. Today I thought to myself, What changed?

I found hope that I could change. There is something about hope that is contagious. It spreads to all other areas of life. (Hope is from God; anything else that is called hope is simply masquerading as hope.) When we believe in Jesus, He gives us His strength and changes our lives. Looking back, I have no idea what I did... because I didn't really do anything. It was all God. My heart is different now. My eyes are set on Him. I am far from perfect; but looking to Him for my identity and my path is what made me more decisive.

Multiple areas of my life are starting to show this change. I love Luke without holding back. I am working my dream job- spending my days with the little ones. I am moving towards completing my degree. But more than any of these things, I no longer look inward for my identity. My hope is in Jesus. He sets my footing. He holds my future in His hands.

Leaping

It is a big week for me. My school break is officially over; four classes and a pile of homework are staring me in the face. I am ending one job and starting another. Transition makes me nervous until I remind myself how I got here in the first place. One decision led to a domino effect of things falling into place. In other words, God is faithful and He has plans for us.

One of my marriage books shares how it feels emotionally to act on faith. The analogy was that you jump from an edge and for a moment you feel like you are free falling. But God is the invisible rope around you; He suspends you and keeps you safe. The fear melts away when I remember He is there. He turns our leaps of faith into blessings and joy. I know that years from now, I will look back on this time and feel grateful that I chose to take the leap.

Ten Things

1. I am not sure I will go back to drinking coffee. My doctor had me take a week off (to see if I developed a sensitivity). The first day was terrible. I have no desire to repeat that!

2. I am completely convinced natural, unmedicated childbirth is optimal for both mother and baby. BUT I still think natural childbirth is frightening... or the gauntlet of the modern woman. Or like that scene from Alien.

3. Baking and cooking from scratch comes with such great satisfaction. Free aromatherapy!

4. The Gospel Church is seriously amazing. I am in awe of all those incredible people who hang out in our little church.

5. I really nerd out on planning healthy meals for the week, having leftovers for lunch, and utilizing leftover ingredients. Do normal people do this?

6. I get to work with kids?! I am so excited. I hope they like me as much as I like them!

7. My husband was running out the door the other morning, and then I saw him run back towards our house. He grabbed our watering can and rinsed the frost off my windshield. He's such a keeper.

8. I wish I could write a book about individuals from diverse backgrounds. People who lead quiet lives with varying occupations and lifestyles. Bus drivers, stay-at-home moms, homeless veterans, etc. There are so many untold stories out there!

9. I made my first tortilla soup last night. I am trying to warm up to tomatoes. Baby steps.

10. I love the feeling of being sore after a workout, but it creeps me out to think there are tiny tears in my muscles!

That's all. I love you.

Confession

Sometimes I really, really want to be a mom. Before you try to convince me to go for it- I already know we are waiting a while. I have things to check off the "Before I have a baby" list. (Degree, working with children for a while, fitness goals, etc.) Luke and I have financial goals we hope to tackle before making that leap too. We also want to do a little traveling and soak up our time together. And I love just being us. We have so much fun; things never feel empty or lacking in any way. But one thing I know: having a baby will be awesome one day.

For now, I leave you with these...

Mushy

It's not hard for me to be in awe of Luke D. Hawkins. Here are a few reasons why:

1. This guy will offer to do dishes, laundry, make dinner, or anything that will make me feel loved or relieve stress. He knows practical things make me feel loved in busy seasons. (Also, he always cleans and helps happily. Definitely something I need to work on!)

2. If he knows I am going somewhere, he will look up directions and send them to me. (He knows I could get lost in my hometown.)

3. He watchers Hoarders with me. (That takes someone special!)

4. He wakes up and sings me silly songs about whatever comes into his half-awake mind. I totally sing him songs too. We're probably the strangest people I know.

5. He gets just as excited as I do about date nights, books, fitness, cool words, trips, organization, food, and future plans.

6. He nerds out with me on health, nutrition, and fitness. This guy has lost over 70 pounds, and has done an incredible job working towards a long and healthy life with me. I love that!

7. He's up for anything. Whether it's a night in with Human Planet and the roommates or an early morning adventure, he is 110% in.

8. He was practicing before leading worship at our church the other morning- and I was blown away with how talented he is. His voice is a-mazing. Luke would completely deny this, but he is one of those people who happens to be great at everything.

9. My leader of a husband. I am so grateful that I married a man who is honest, kind, strong, and wise. He always makes me feel safe and honored. My prayer for every wife would be that her husband makes her feel this way!

10. He is my best friend. I never thought someone could know everything about me and still love me. (Besides Michelle, of course! But that's a different kind of love.) He never makes me bad about my shortcomings, but he knows exactly how to encourage me and make me want to be a better person in every way.